Conquering Fear

I have an incredible opportunity. A remarkable opportunity, really. I've been accepted to spend the summer at the BYU Jerusalem Center. I'm so excited, but reading through the student handbook, I realize how different it will be. I can't take my cell phone and watching Netflix is a no-go. I can't go running in my Nike shorts every morning and making myself no-bake cookies? Forget about it. I have to give up dating and flirting for 3 months. That's pretty tough. Shirts have to be up to my collar bones and skirts to mid-calf. Don't look men directly in the eye-- that's an invitation for sexual harassment. All of these little things I never even thought about. Things that I do every day. Things I won't be able to do. A completely foreign culture I have to abide by. So many little things. It terrifies me to think of leaving my family. Not having a break-- I like to have breaks. Being in a different country for 3 months? Ahh. It would be so much easier to just stay home, just say, "no thanks". But I would regret it for the rest of my life. I have an opportunity to go to the Holy Land. The place of Christ's ministry and atonement. How can I not go? I can put aside worldly things for a short period of time to come closer to my Savior. It's the least I can do. Isn't it? No matter who doesn't read this, it's okay. I needed to just work these things out for myself. I needed to write down my fears and address them. I need to be brave. This is my time to prove that I'm more than just the tall girl who is majoring in English. I'm more than just the name "Tiffany Erickson". I am strong. I am smart. I am bold. I am courageous, and with the help of my Father in Heaven, I can conquer any fear.

2012

Became a True Brave
Got My Patriarchal Blessing
Had a Valentine
Got the Perfect Prom Dress
Played Snoopy in You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown
Became an Aunt
Graduated High School with High Honors
Got a House in St. George
Sang Like No One Was Listening
Wrote a Missionary
Saw 5 Broadway Shows
Learned to Play Tennis
Cried So Hard I Couldn't Breathe
Performed in New York City
Got Vocal Surgery
Dyed My Hair Dark
Saw Aida
Moved to Provo
Watched BBC Robin Hood
Got an A in American Heritage
Had Date Night With My Dad Every Week
Had My First Paying Photo Session
Volunteered for Blue Crew
Started To Drink Almond Milk
Laughed So Hard I Cried
Turned Nineteen
Learned to Make Chicken Curry
Moved On
Declared an English Major
Watched 5 Seasons of One Tree Hill
Bleached My Hair Blonde
Said Goodbye to Hayden Call
Did a Victory Dance
Drank a Lot of Hot Chocolate
Survived My First Semester at BYU
Started Running
Got Bangs
Had a White Christmas

No Faking Necessary

You know the expression "fake it 'til you make it"? That has essentially been my motto for the past year. Things happen, big changes occur, and you can't do anything to stop it. You just have to fake that you're okay. You lose friends, you move away from home, your heart gets broken, you miss someone until you can't breathe, and you get dropped into overwhelming situations; all you can do is push forward and hope for a brighter and easier tomorrow. I don't think that "easier tomorrow" has ever come, but the days have been getting brighter as I stumble along.

You lose friends and your heart gets broken. Those are two things that every person suffers through; I know I have. People change, you change, we grow apart. Sometimes when a person leaves your life, there isn't another person to fill that void. You just have to keep getting out of bed everyday because there isn't exactly a choice. But one day you might wake up and realize the void isn't quite as big as it was yesterday. That's happened to me over the past year. It sucks to leave high school, and leave everything you've ever known. It's hard when your friends go out of state, or even just a few hours away. But it gets better with time, as cliche as that sounds.

As I was dropped off at my apartment in Wyview Park, I felt so small, so inadequate. I went to my classes, hoping that I would somehow be able to just slide by. My assignments were difficult. I felt like I was just stabbing in the dark, trying to guess what the professors wanted. I messed up a bit, but I soon learned that faking was no longer necessary, stabbing was no longer necessary-- at least not as much as before.

I feel like life is all about doing things that are foreign and unknown, and just learning how to deal with them. The joy comes from stepping outside your comfort zone and into the dark abyss, and finding something even better than you could have imagined. I've found that I'm usually pushed into the dark involuntarily, but I have found that most incredible pieces of myself that I never would have found otherwise.

When life pushes us into the unknown, sometimes all we can do is fake it 'til we make it. Eventually there will be no faking necessary and the dark will be lifted.

Thanksgiving Miracle

If I make it to Tuesday without my brain exploding, it will be a Thanksgiving Miracle. I have had so much to do this week... it's quite literally insanity. I don't think my brain has ever hurt this much... at least not since I had to take two AP tests back to back on the same day. Sheesh. That was rough. But this is pretty bad too. Besides readings and normal homework assignments, I had a Biology essay, an American Heritage essay, a persuasive research essay (10 pages), and a proposal for a different persuasive research essay. ALL BEFORE THANKSGIVING.

Yikes.

So I reiterate-- If I make it to Tuesday without my brain exploding, it will be a Thanksgiving Miracle.

But I'm going home tonight to spend the weekend, which should be a nice break from all of the BYU craziness. I'm also going to improv tonight with the lovely Erica Farnes. It shall be fun.

Adios.

P.S. Today, while updating my facebook status, I had the most horrendous urge to swear... TWICE in one status. It would have been as follows:

Thank G** it's Friday, Bit****. 

Weird.

But don't be alarmed... I never posted it. 

Adios... Again.

Oh, The Fall Colors

Just some quick pictures of Matt & Andrea!

Much Love, 

Tiffany Sue

P.S. Want some portraits or something of the like? Contact me! I'd love to take pictures for you!

Someday Soon

Someday soon I'll be able to sing again. Full-fledged singing. YES. It has been over a year since I've been able to successfully belt and I miss it ever so much. I've been keeping a mental list of the songs I want to sing when I'm fixed... Let's see how many I can get down.

Astonishing- Little Women
Flight- Sutton Foster
Listen- Dream Girls
Get Out And Stay Out- 9 to 5
Mr. and Mrs. Smith- SMASH
I Dreamed A Dream- Les Mis
So Much Better- Legally Blonde
Fools Fall In Love- All Shook Up
Seven Wonders- Catch Me If You Can
Defying Gravity- Wicked
I Know The Truth- Aida
You And I- Ingrid Michaelson
Your Love Is My Drug- Ke$ha
Call Me Maybe- Carly Rae Jepsen
In Whatever Time We Have- Children of Eden
Stranger To The Rain- Children of Eden
Who Will Love Me As I Am?- Sideshow

That's a pretty good list... maybe I'll be able to sing through them without killing myself by next September. Always looking up!

Peanut Butter

Where did this insane craving for peanut butter come from? I'm not sure, but I have it. Every day I tell myself if I pass up on the cookies taunting me by the cash register at Subway, I can have a spoonful of peanut butter when I get home. It worked. I tricked myself into thinking that peanut butter was a dessert! Then... dun dun dun... I started have reactions to the peanut butter. Psychological or allergic, I'm not sure, but it was definitely a reaction. ARE YOU SERIOUS? I finally find a healthy substitute to chocolate and sweets and I get a scratchy throat, canker sores, and irritated skin? Unfair. Maybe the reaction is to the stress of a new college existence. I hope that's the case... I miss my Peanut Butter.