Became a True Brave
Got My Patriarchal Blessing
Had a Valentine
Got the Perfect Prom Dress
Played Snoopy in You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown
Became an Aunt
Graduated High School with High Honors
Got a House in St. George
Sang Like No One Was Listening
Wrote a Missionary
Saw 5 Broadway Shows
Learned to Play Tennis
Cried So Hard I Couldn't Breathe
Performed in New York City
Got Vocal Surgery
Dyed My Hair Dark
Saw Aida
Moved to Provo
Watched BBC Robin Hood
Got an A in American Heritage
Had Date Night With My Dad Every Week
Had My First Paying Photo Session
Volunteered for Blue Crew
Started To Drink Almond Milk
Laughed So Hard I Cried
Turned Nineteen
Learned to Make Chicken Curry
Moved On
Declared an English Major
Watched 5 Seasons of One Tree Hill
Bleached My Hair Blonde
Said Goodbye to Hayden Call
Did a Victory Dance
Drank a Lot of Hot Chocolate
Survived My First Semester at BYU
Started Running
Got Bangs
Had a White Christmas
Monday, December 31, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
No Faking Necessary
You know the expression "fake it 'til you make it"? That has essentially been my motto for the past year. Things happen, big changes occur, and you can't do anything to stop it. You just have to fake that you're okay. You lose friends, you move away from home, your heart gets broken, you miss someone until you can't breathe, and you get dropped into overwhelming situations; all you can do is push forward and hope for a brighter and easier tomorrow. I don't think that "easier tomorrow" has ever come, but the days have been getting brighter as I stumble along.
You lose friends and your heart gets broken. Those are two things that every person suffers through; I know I have. People change, you change, we grow apart. Sometimes when a person leaves your life, there isn't another person to fill that void. You just have to keep getting out of bed everyday because there isn't exactly a choice. But one day you might wake up and realize the void isn't quite as big as it was yesterday. That's happened to me over the past year. It sucks to leave high school, and leave everything you've ever known. It's hard when your friends go out of state, or even just a few hours away. But it gets better with time, as cliche as that sounds.
As I was dropped off at my apartment in Wyview Park, I felt so small, so inadequate. I went to my classes, hoping that I would somehow be able to just slide by. My assignments were difficult. I felt like I was just stabbing in the dark, trying to guess what the professors wanted. I messed up a bit, but I soon learned that faking was no longer necessary, stabbing was no longer necessary-- at least not as much as before.
I feel like life is all about doing things that are foreign and unknown, and just learning how to deal with them. The joy comes from stepping outside your comfort zone and into the dark abyss, and finding something even better than you could have imagined. I've found that I'm usually pushed into the dark involuntarily, but I have found that most incredible pieces of myself that I never would have found otherwise.
When life pushes us into the unknown, sometimes all we can do is fake it 'til we make it. Eventually there will be no faking necessary and the dark will be lifted.
You lose friends and your heart gets broken. Those are two things that every person suffers through; I know I have. People change, you change, we grow apart. Sometimes when a person leaves your life, there isn't another person to fill that void. You just have to keep getting out of bed everyday because there isn't exactly a choice. But one day you might wake up and realize the void isn't quite as big as it was yesterday. That's happened to me over the past year. It sucks to leave high school, and leave everything you've ever known. It's hard when your friends go out of state, or even just a few hours away. But it gets better with time, as cliche as that sounds.
As I was dropped off at my apartment in Wyview Park, I felt so small, so inadequate. I went to my classes, hoping that I would somehow be able to just slide by. My assignments were difficult. I felt like I was just stabbing in the dark, trying to guess what the professors wanted. I messed up a bit, but I soon learned that faking was no longer necessary, stabbing was no longer necessary-- at least not as much as before.
I feel like life is all about doing things that are foreign and unknown, and just learning how to deal with them. The joy comes from stepping outside your comfort zone and into the dark abyss, and finding something even better than you could have imagined. I've found that I'm usually pushed into the dark involuntarily, but I have found that most incredible pieces of myself that I never would have found otherwise.
When life pushes us into the unknown, sometimes all we can do is fake it 'til we make it. Eventually there will be no faking necessary and the dark will be lifted.
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