Someday Soon

Someday soon I'll be able to sing again. Full-fledged singing. YES. It has been over a year since I've been able to successfully belt and I miss it ever so much. I've been keeping a mental list of the songs I want to sing when I'm fixed... Let's see how many I can get down.

Astonishing- Little Women
Flight- Sutton Foster
Listen- Dream Girls
Get Out And Stay Out- 9 to 5
Mr. and Mrs. Smith- SMASH
I Dreamed A Dream- Les Mis
So Much Better- Legally Blonde
Fools Fall In Love- All Shook Up
Seven Wonders- Catch Me If You Can
Defying Gravity- Wicked
I Know The Truth- Aida
You And I- Ingrid Michaelson
Your Love Is My Drug- Ke$ha
Call Me Maybe- Carly Rae Jepsen
In Whatever Time We Have- Children of Eden
Stranger To The Rain- Children of Eden
Who Will Love Me As I Am?- Sideshow

That's a pretty good list... maybe I'll be able to sing through them without killing myself by next September. Always looking up!

Peanut Butter

Where did this insane craving for peanut butter come from? I'm not sure, but I have it. Every day I tell myself if I pass up on the cookies taunting me by the cash register at Subway, I can have a spoonful of peanut butter when I get home. It worked. I tricked myself into thinking that peanut butter was a dessert! Then... dun dun dun... I started have reactions to the peanut butter. Psychological or allergic, I'm not sure, but it was definitely a reaction. ARE YOU SERIOUS? I finally find a healthy substitute to chocolate and sweets and I get a scratchy throat, canker sores, and irritated skin? Unfair. Maybe the reaction is to the stress of a new college existence. I hope that's the case... I miss my Peanut Butter.

Fresh[man] Start

I have begun my life as a college student. I have been at BYU for a solid week and I have absolutely loved it. Yes, I'm a nerd and I sit in at least the first three rows in all of my classes. Some interesting things I have discovered about myself since moving to Provo:

1. I can exist having cucumbers and celery for dinner (but not for long).
2. I can eat a yogurt in under 30 seconds.
3. I can ride a bus and get to the places I need to.
4. I have read more this week than in all of my high school experience.
5. I really like my biology class.
6. I enjoy spoonfuls of peanut butter... although I think I'm mildly allergic.
7. One of my biology readings was by an author that I have previously read and truly enjoyed (Atul Gawande).
8. I can't stand eating Subway every day.
9. Pretty Little Liars relieves stress and serves as a good break from studying.
10. If I watch too much Pretty Little Liars I can no longer focus.
11. I appreciate my parents taking me out to eat.
12. I have become a college student; starving, frugal, sleep deprived.
13. Studying while on my bed is a bad idea.
14. I miss texting people... or knowing people to text.
15. I can go to church all on my own and actually have the motivation to go to all three hours... the same cannot be said for building meetings.
16. I miss my mom taking care of me; laundry, food, etc.
17. I find it odd that I no longer have to ask anyone if it's okay for me to go somewhere.
18. I love BYU football games. 
19. I can eat healthy. Only a few slip ups this week; pasta for lunch, chips and dip (anyone surprised?), nachos, and a small piece of chocolate.
20. It's been seven days and I haven't killed/starved myself yet... SUCCESS.

Bailing to Backpack

I was seriously considering bailing on college. Who needs a higher level of education anyway? I hear that the tree-cutters in Alaska, even without high school diplomas, are doing pretty well. I walked around campus, huffing and puffing, searching for my classes. Wouldn't it be so much simpler to just say "no"? I could just sit on my parent's couch for the rest of my life, eating potato chips and watching "Pretty Little Liars". No need to meet new people, learn new things. No need to get up early in the morning and catch the shuttle or trek to campus. No need.

But then I got a new backpack. It's pretty, but not in a super girly way. I refused to get a girly backpack. I wanted a backpack that looked good... but not super masculine. I got it in ice blue. I have a major weakness for school supplies. Going back to school is worth it to buy some notebooks and a spanking new pack of ballpoint pens. I love it. So, this new backpack fits into my school supply obsession. So how could I possibly give up on college when I have this wonderful new school accessory? It just wouldn't be right.

So folks, I'm going to college. Thank you dearest Osprey backpack for saving my college education, and quite possibly, my life.

What Is Love?

The famous question, "what is love?" is extremely hard to answer. I don't know if I've ever felt it truly, but I found the most beautiful descriptions. This is one of the purest sentiments of love I've ever seen:

"It would degrade me to marry Heathcliff, now; so he shall never know how I love him; and that, not because he's handsome, Nelly, but because he's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same, and Linton's is as different as a moonbeam from lightning, or frost from fire."

This excerpt from Wuthering Heights along with the following Shakespearean sonnet serve as a pretty darn good summation of what I believe love is.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! It is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's no Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Yes... this is my inner English nerd coming out.

Hobbies. What?

As I was filling out a form for the bishop of my new ward in Provo... I realized I have no hobbies. How sad is that? Doesn't everyone have hobbies? I asked my parents for some hobby examples; fixing cars and gardening. The only thing I know about cars is that they need gas before the orange needle points at the big E and that the more horse-power, the better. Gardening? I tried that once. Things didn't bode so well for the pansies I planted. It's pretty safe to say that I lack a green thumb. Some other famous hobbies I have heard of are things down the alley of "stamp collecting". I have to admit that I do see more stamps than the average teenager, but most definitely not because I collect them. I throw those stamps onto envelopes addressed "Elder" so fast, no one could ever mistake me for a collector. Scrapbooking. Isn't that considered a hobby? I like cutesy paper and pictures, but when it comes to writing in a swirly font, forget about it. My handwriting is comparable to chicken scratch (side note: The most awful thing I write is my name. The "ff" gets me every time). My dad did happen to mention photography in his very limited list of examples. What are the odds that there had been a photography box under "Interests/Skills" earlier on in the form? Since I had already checked the boxes relating to any kind of hobby-type activity I participate in, I left that section blank. BLANK. I have no real hobbies.

Which is Better?

Is it better to, in life, seize every moment and every opportunity, even when being hurt or disappointed eventually is imminent? Or is it better to just seize only the moments that will bring you the most happiness in the long run? Is it really better to just smile that it happened and suck up the fact that you are hurting now because it happened, like all the quotes say? It is hard for me to say that having a few good times can balance out all the bad times that follow. Is it wrong for me to say that it could be better to have only some good times and less hurt? But on the other hand, I guess life is for taking advantage of every good thing that comes your way. Maybe all the good times help you through the bad times. Maybe the good times protect your heart from too much hurt. So.. I guess what I'm saying is that I think it's better to live your life to the fullest, no matter the hurt and sadness that may come (but always live with good moral principles, of course).